Allow me to apologize today to anyone offended by any of my future words. With the issuance of this document you will no longer need to feel offended by anything I say as I have pre-apologized for saying it. You can remain calm and I can be spared your rebuke. We can maintain our pre-existing level of mutual intolerance.
This pre-apology document was necessitated by societal trends that suggest people just can’t wait to be offended by almost anyone about almost anything.
I grew up in a time when person to person discussion was often successful in resolving disagreements. Then along came social media and with it the safety of hiding behind a screen through which insults could be registered and supportive co-offended people could be recruited. Almost overnight, people seemed to crave being offended so they could play the game.
The game starts with party one making a statement concerning their personal beliefs. Party two seizes upon that statement and goes into “offended” mode. Parties three through dozens more weigh in on one side or the other with a simple click of a “like” or comment and the game is on. In mathematics parlance this would be considered division and we have become quite good at it.
Once started, the game does not easily end; the current issue being argued over grows tiresome to all parties and fades away as the offended class eagerly awaits their next opportunity to be offended.
Note to New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees, I invite you to adopt this Pre-apology policy.